Realisation

do ya no wot.
Im gunna stop writing a blog, its not helping anyone listen to me moan.
So this will be the last post I ever post.
I hope you all get better and be happy

I would ask if you would miss me, But I know the answer to that already

Goodbye, From
Star xx

Well,, I'm sorry to dissapoint...

This is not going to be an amazing long post,
I havent got the energy to type really.
work sucks.
Life sucks.
Meication SUCKS.
Ive stopped taking it, I hate being on it.
Ive
Literally
Just
PIGGED
my
FACE
after being weighed
I havent lost.
I havent Gained.
Ive stayed exactly the same.


I had a pregnancy test.
Who wants to guess the result? go for it...
Star xxx

inpiration? no... dissapointment? yes...

Sorry about the last post. Was a little depressed that night. Just for the record i didnt try. I was VERY close. but I didnt. I was just depressed. seriously. I think I might be pregnant...

Ive missed a period... ive also had sex in the last month... Bad stomache cramps... being sick... feeling dizzy... PUTTING ON WEIGHT...

Is it just me whos thinking 'shit, im PREGNANT, at the age of 15?' FML.

I do have a plan though. I'm going to the doctors after work tommorow. Im gunna ask for a implant,
then they will ask me when my last perios was, and ill say 'about 7 weeks ago' and theyll be like 'is there any chance your pregnant?' and ill say 'Yeh, I spose I could be.' I have to go to the hospital tommorow anyways, just like any other day. For my STUPID PHYCIATRIST!
then go back to work.

K, so you know I lost 7.5lbs in one week, then gained the half.
I was alright about that.
I stayed the same last week.
But this week
I put on 2LBS :'(

I dont know what im doing wrong. I just want to drown in source
:'(
or drown anyways... anything will do...

I was so drunk the other night, so drunk that I can't even remember what night.
I fell down the stairs and damamged the tendon in my thigh on my right leg, so I cant even run or anything this week.

It fucking hurts! and it is only the second time I have been in hospital for 2-3 days for something other than self harm!

I missed the first 3 days of my work experience, I only have to do 5. :) They know I was in hospital, so its alright. They cant really have someone on crutches in a hair dressing salon trying to sweep up. LOL. I cant even make myself a cup of tea without spilling it everywhere, im useless.:(

K, end of rant.

This weeks food list:

BAD foods:

Dairy products [except lacto-free milk]
Yeast [Bread, Marmite, Blah blah blah]
SUGAR [EVERYTHING!]
ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD foods:

Special K+
Lacto-free milk
Cucumber
Celery
Lettuce
Vegetables
Sugar free source


= approx 200 calories per day :)

ooooooooooooo..... Interesting fact:

You burn more calories than you intake when you eat cucumber, celery and lettuce :) SCORE! :D


K, Rant over.
Love from you completely hopeless and lost
Star xx

Thats it...
Im dead.
Goodbye world.
Goodbye everyone in it

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Damn guys, I was doing so well! i lost 7 and a half pounds in a week about 3 weeks ago. Last week I gained HALF A POUND which I was alright about.

Because then I was back on full numbers.

But this week.

FAIL

I fasted.

I threw up.

I was ACTUALLY ILL.

And still... no weight loss?

Life hates me.

Do you ever get mornings where you just wake up and you think 'Yeah, Today is going to be SHIT!' ?
Well, I had one of those.

Ive been going on about getting my tongue peirced since LAST SUMMER.

and what does my girlfrienddo ON IMPULSE today?

Gets her FUCKING TONGUE PEIRCED. I was so angry! I burst out into tears.

AFTER saying that she would wait for ME to get MINE done.

I don't think she believes that I can lose enough weight to get mine done :'(

WHY? WHY DO I LIVE IN THIS FUCKING WORLD :(
I don't belong here, or deserve to belong here :/

I might just
Go...
Die...
Right now...

Today.

Today, I woke up at about 8 o'clock pm.
Ate like the FUCKING FAT PIG that I am.
Tried like HELL to not cut myself << at least one thing went alrite, I didn't cut.
Cycled 4 miles.
Now im downloading msn. Which takes F O R E V E R .

Hell.
I was meant to be in school.
FUCK.

:/

Sorry.
BAD mood today
all 2 and a half hours of it :/
Star~