lonely... where has she fucked off too now?

Ok, realising that nobody reads my blog has made me realise that I can put whatever the fuck I like on here!

I am pissed off ny head on vodka. Despite the fact I don't drink I've had half a pint of vodka.

I am just gunna lie here all day like I have done since monday. I'm gunna stay drunk forever and get fat.

I'm destined to gett fatter anyway.

No matter how hard I try, how well I do.

I NEVER LOSE WEIGHT!

I'm doing a fast tommorow, just a simple 24 hour one, starting at 12 tnite.

I dnt no y I'm bothering. I'm gunna fail anywaym
.
I also have to go swimming...

My worst fear in the world...

Everything on show, all my fat roles, all my scars and fresh cuts, but I don't have a choice in the matter.

My mum has turned back into her noramal alcoholic self, despite all the rehab.

I hate my life.
I just want to die, but I want to die skinny.
Not the FAT cow that I am...

Star xx

welcome back?

I'm not entirely sure how to start this, I mean I could say I'm sorry that I haven't been here, but you probably didn't miss me much...
My depressing life,, the normal boring shit.
My hospital trips,,
Self harm,
Where ever Ana's fucked off to right now.
Probably gone on holiday. I'm too much of a fail. But hey, can't have everything that you want in life :/
I got my hair cut off yesturday, it kinda cheered me up.
But I still have everythibg lurking in the back of my mind.

I put on 40lbs in hospital.

My life really sucks.

I was in hospital for a while, hence the absence of my un-read, um-interesting posts.

But I was really good when I got out, I didn't let a single piece of food pass these lips for 4 whole days. Until today, I took money into morrisons. I bought ben and jerrys, ate the whole pot in about 5 mins, maybe less.

I was sick, but I still feel discusting and full.

I feel like braking down into tears of the thought of having 2000 calories pumping round my system...
Its enough to make me want to die. I'm such a failer...

Meanwhile, being on medds for almost any mental coindition on the planet is proving to be the most difficult thing to keep up with in the world
I'm not sure how too cope with everything atm...

Life is out too get me.
HELP!

Star xxx