Thankyou. :)

I told my girlfriend, She went a bit mad and was really upset and still is I think.

Thankyou AmaDraque for you lovely comment, and welcome to my blog :)

In answer to your question about the medication..

Honestly? I'd love to think that it is, but I've been on medication for about 3-4 years,

I think the reason I havn't cut for 3 months is because I havn't been to school for the last 3 months, I can almost guarentee that I will start again when I go back in september. If I go back.

I see my therapist 3 times a week now instead of 7, But I personally don't think I have a very strong bond with her.

I don't tell her everything because I know that if I tell her the truth I will be there for years, and I just want to get out of there, People poking their noses aroun my life!. I hate it, and don't find it helpful.

This blog helps me more because I know that people are reading it have either experienced it themselves or know sort of what im going through. My therapist doesn't have a clue in my opinion.

I don't care how many qualifications she has..

Or how much experience she has..

People who are close to me can help me more, I wish so much that my parents would do more than just call an ambulance and let them get on with it.

But thats just my opinion. :) I hope that you understand,,


Welcome to my blog and hav a fun time reading it... lol,, my depressing shit haha.


Anyways...

This weeks weigh in shows that I have lost 1lb, In 3 weeks. Thats shit and im not vey happy about it, I want to lose more. I've been really as good as I hav ever been before.. and it doesn't pay off.


It was my dads 50th birthday party last night, everyone got completely wankered, including my 13 year old little sister. [I FUCKING hate her even MORE when shes drunk]


But that made me put on 3lb :'(


Im never gunna get to 9 stone... Ever, I know it. Im starting to give up on myself.

Myself is telling me to go back to cutting right now, but I don't want to :(

Im sure it will all work out.. one day,, have to go see my therapist tommorow.


Early...



Thankyou everyone for being so patient and reading this shit,, it must be seriously depressing


Much love from

Star xx

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=]

soo.. back to square one...

Ok, im back. I couldnt deal without having something to write everything down on, my head was going to go bang.

I got weighed today, I now weigh 11st 11lbs, thats 6lbs ive lost altogether [including gains]

I missed you all, having your support to help me.
Having your kind words to keep me going,
Having someone I could moan to [sorry.]

I realise how long its been, and that time has been the biggest struggle of my life. I wish I never stopped writing this blog.

However,...

It has now been exactly 3 MONTHS that I havent cut, had to go to hospital for anything. :D

The hospital sent round someone to check up on me though, because they arent used to not seeing me. [They used to see me at least once a fornight!]

And I only have to do phsycotherapy 3 times a week [instead of 7]

But im still on my pills.



I had my abortion by the way. Tbh it was one of the worst thing I have ever done. Took someone elses life. I wouldn't mind taking my own if I am perfectly honest. But I can't bare to look back at that 9 week old baby that they showed me.

I still feel shit.

But I havent cut, I guess ive been feeling to down to even do that.

I got my implant so that It doesn't happen again.

I know I know,,

You are probably thinking,, "oh, but shes a lesbien, how did this happen?"

or something similar.

But I found out.

When I was drunk one night.

One of my "best Friends" decided he wanted sex.
Me being paraletic, couldn't stop him..,

So thats how it happened,

No, my girlfriend doesnt know either.

I try to tell her, but I cant bring myself to.

Never mind.. It could always be worse.

Much love

Star~
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